Who the Heck is Schlitzie? (II)
Who Ya Calling Pinhead? (A Full-Circle Story)
“I’m Ron,” he said, laughing as I also awkwardly took my hand out, forgetting for a micro-second that we were in the middle of a pandemic. Fan moment's, I tell you. I didn’t get to talk to Ron Perlman that much, let alone the rest of the cast for Nightmare Alley. The most I received was a thumbs up from my scene partner, Bradley Cooper. It was very simple- I was sitting on a little stool, timidly eating a piece of toast (albeit carefully, as I didn’t want any crumbs to ruin my prosthetics), and here comes Stan(ton) Carlisle, a mangled, dirty piece of disgrace walking on two legs. He looks me straight in the eye and asks, “Your boss?” To which I point to my right, gesturing. He sort of stumbles off, and that’s it for my, or rather Zizi’s, big scene.
It was a brief moment to shine, and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.
Not long after it was a wrap for Zizi the Pinhead (aka, “Zizi Top”), my other “big” moment had arrived. And this time, it was personal.
It was more than a decade since I swore I would get to work with Guillermo Del Toro. Although I did have one fleeting moment to “fan out” at a convention, I held back from sharing my story. Every opportunity to meet him again would be foiled, almost as if it were a cosmic joke. In the meantime, I was still healing. I was unlearning precarious beliefs and quite literally building myself back up. And, like any teen going into their twenties, figuring out what the heck I was going to do with my life. (Spoiler alert, most of us are still wondering the same thing.) I was juggling a bunch of pursuits, from acting to yoga, to concept design and art, to attaining health coach certification and working occasionally for a family business. Then, one day, I happened to bump into Mike Hill. It was at the right time, in the right place. And I had absolutely no idea what sort of “role” he had in mind for me.
So… who’s Schlitzie? Where do I begin? Cinephiles and horror fans may know of him. If not, allow me to introduce to you Schlitzie the Pinhead. Schlitzie Surtees (or Simon Metz) was an entertainer born with a condition known as microcephaly, where one is born with a small, disfigured head. Though Schlitzie had the mental capacity of a child, his heart far exceeded any of his perceived shortcomings. He delighted in entertaining guests at carnival acts and shows, never once realizing the exploitive nature behind his performances.
Zizi was, in essence, Schlitzie. Mike Hill and I would have many discussions about him, from his story to his mannerisms. It was a challenging yet creatively stimulating role, and I am forever grateful for the opportunity. Zizi is not only my first (of what I affirm to be many) transformative roles, he, and Mike, were also responsible for my telling my story to Guillermo Del Toro.
I think about that moment on set far more than I do of that night I made my promise these days. When I was talking to Del Toro, I was still “Zizi”. And I cried. I couldn’t hold back the tears. Here was this pinhead sobbing through prosthetics and pouring their heart out to their hero, faced with no sign of disappointment. On the contrary, Del Toro actually cried. The both of us were crying. I remember him giving me an enormous bear hug, and telling me there’ll be more opportunities for us to work together again. Although sixteen year old me envisioned a moment similar to this, I doubt she’d ever think it’d be with a shaved head.
